I stumbled upon this… this meme.
"AUSTRALIAN KISS. Sort of like a French Kiss... But Down Under."
Now, I'm not saying I'm a world traveler, but I have been to places where they don't have kangaroos hopping down the street. And I've had my fair share of… interactions. But this meme, it got me thinking. What is an Australian kiss?
Is it like, you're in Sydney, and you're going for a peck on the cheek, but then a rogue wave from the Pacific just washes over you, and suddenly you're sort of… upside down? And you accidentally end up kissing someone's elbow? Because that's what "down under" implies, right? Everything's a bit topsy-turvy.
I mean, a French kiss. We all know what that is. It's like a verbal argument, but with tongues. It's passionate, it's a little messy, and you usually end up needing a breath mint. It's a whole production.
But an Australian kiss? I imagine it involves more… wildlife. Like, you're leaning in for a romantic moment, and suddenly a koala decides your earlobe looks like a particularly tasty eucalyptus leaf. And you're just there, trying to maintain eye contact, while simultaneously fending off a sleepy marsupial. That's not romantic, that's an episode of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.
Or maybe it's the sheer heat. Australia, right? It's hot. Like, "my car interior spontaneously combusts" hot. So, an Australian kiss is probably just… sweating on each other. A lot. You lean in, and it's less of a tender embrace and more of a communal sauna session. You're not sharing a kiss, you're sharing a mild heatstroke.
And the "down under" part. Does that mean it's… a dare? Like, "I bet you can't kiss me with a Vegemite sandwich in my mouth!" Because I've heard stories about Vegemite. It's like Marmite, but… more aggressive. It's the kind of taste that makes you question all your life choices up to that point. So, a kiss involving that? That's not a kiss, that's a culinary challenge.
I tried to do some research, you know, for accuracy. I asked my mate Dave, who has been to Australia. He just looked at me, took a long swig of his beer, and said, "Mate, it's just kissing. But you're probably drunk."
So, there you have it, folks. The Australian kiss: it's probably just regular kissing, but with a higher probability of sunburn, a lingering taste of Vegemite, and the faint scent of eucalyptus. Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience! Drive safe, and try not to kiss any wombats on the way home!