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But seriously, this kid Freddie. He looks like he’s really contemplating life’s great mysteries. Like, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? And more importantly, if I put my elbows on the table, will it really cause the fabric of space-time to unravel?"

You know, I was looking at this picture earlier, and it got me thinking about… well, about dinner. And manners. And… gravity. (Points to the image) See this? "WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS FREDDIE - TAKE YOUR ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE!" Now, I get it. When I was a kid, my mom used to say the same thing. "Sit up straight, Freddie! Don't slouch! And for heaven's sake, get your elbows off the table!" And I'd be like, "But Mom, they're comfortable here! They're like little furry armrests for my chin." (Pauses for laughter) But this woman in the picture… she's got a different kind of problem with Freddie's elbows. It's not about posture, is it? It's about… obstruction. I swear, Freddie's elbows are just trying to get a better view, you know? He's probably thinking, "Wow, this is the best seat in the house! I can see everything from here!" And she's like, "No, Freddie, your elbows are blocking the view of… well,...

You know, I was at the doctor's the other day.

You know, I was at the doctor's the other day. Yes, I know, shocking. I'm usually more of a "self-diagnose with WebMD and panic" kind of guy. But this time, something was actually wrong. I had these… these marks. On the inside of my thighs. Green marks. (Leans into the mic conspiratorially) Now, before you start picturing me wrestling with a giant leprechaun, let me tell you, it wasn't that exciting. I'm sitting there, trying to explain this to my doctor, who, by the way, looked suspiciously like the guy in this cartoon. Same suit, same slightly-too-wide tie, same look in his eyes that says, "I've seen it all, and most of it was probably your fault." So I’m telling him, "Doctor, I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs." And he’s just staring at me, stroking his chin, probably thinking about his golf handicap. Then, he looks up, and he asks me, completely out of the blue, "Does your husband have pierced ears?" (Pauses...

HAPPY PEOPLE

 

Joke

 

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You know, I was at the doctor's the other day.

You know, I was at the doctor's the other day. Yes, I know, shocking. I'm usually more of a "self-diagnose with WebMD and panic" kind of guy. But this time, something was actually wrong. I had these… these marks. On the inside of my thighs. Green marks. (Leans into the mic conspiratorially) Now, before you start picturing me wrestling with a giant leprechaun, let me tell you, it wasn't that exciting. I'm sitting there, trying to explain this to my doctor, who, by the way, looked suspiciously like the guy in this cartoon. Same suit, same slightly-too-wide tie, same look in his eyes that says, "I've seen it all, and most of it was probably your fault." So I’m telling him, "Doctor, I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs." And he’s just staring at me, stroking his chin, probably thinking about his golf handicap. Then, he looks up, and he asks me, completely out of the blue, "Does your husband have pierced ears?" (Pauses...

Funny picture for today

 

Funny picture for today

 

So, I was at my nephew's birthday party the other day, right?

So, I was at my nephew's birthday party the other day, right? And it got me thinking about toys. Remember toys? Back in my day, we had action figures, dolls... simple times. Now, my nephew, bless his little eight-year-old heart, he's asking for a Barbie AND a G.I. Joe for his birthday. And his mom, bless her even more tired heart, she’s trying to be all reasonable, you know? She says, "Honey, doesn't Barbie come with Ken?" And my nephew, he just looks at her with this deadpan expression, like he's explaining quantum physics to a toddler. He goes, "No, she comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken." I swear, I almost choked on my lukewarm party pizza. Fakes it with Ken! That's some next-level childhood cynicism right there. I mean, I grew up thinking Barbie and Ken were the ultimate power couple. They had a dream house, a dream car, a dream life... probably a dream dog too, named Sparky. And here's my nephew, basically saying Barbie's jus...

Joke

 

funny joke

 

Funny haha picture

 

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funny yes

 

hahaha

 

Surprised doctor

 

hhaha

 

You know, I was at the doctor's the other day.

You know, I was at the doctor's the other day. Yes, I know, shocking. I'm usually more of a "self-diagnose with WebMD and panic" kind of guy. But this time, something was actually wrong. I had these… these marks. On the inside of my thighs. Green marks. (Leans into the mic conspiratorially) Now, before you start picturing me wrestling with a giant leprechaun, let me tell you, it wasn't that exciting. I'm sitting there, trying to explain this to my doctor, who, by the way, looked suspiciously like the guy in this cartoon. Same suit, same slightly-too-wide tie, same look in his eyes that says, "I've seen it all, and most of it was probably your fault." So I’m telling him, "Doctor, I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs." And he’s just staring at me, stroking his chin, probably thinking about his golf handicap. Then, he looks up, and he asks me, completely out of the blue, "Does your husband have pierced ears?" (Pauses...

Funny joke for today

 

I want a Barbie