You know, I was at the doctor's the other day. Yes, I know, shocking. I'm usually more of a "self-diagnose with WebMD and panic" kind of guy. But this time, something was actually wrong. I had these… these marks. On the inside of my thighs. Green marks. (Leans into the mic conspiratorially) Now, before you start picturing me wrestling with a giant leprechaun, let me tell you, it wasn't that exciting. I'm sitting there, trying to explain this to my doctor, who, by the way, looked suspiciously like the guy in this cartoon. Same suit, same slightly-too-wide tie, same look in his eyes that says, "I've seen it all, and most of it was probably your fault." So I’m telling him, "Doctor, I have two green marks on the inside of my thighs." And he’s just staring at me, stroking his chin, probably thinking about his golf handicap. Then, he looks up, and he asks me, completely out of the blue, "Does your husband have pierced ears?" (Pauses...